In an effort to meet student demand for more rigorous courses, CVHS has announced plans to make 24-hour courses available to student for the 2025-2026 school year. Currently, CVHS offers a wide selection of Advanced Placement courses for students to participate in, whether to learn more about a specific subject, challenge themselves, or earn college credit for their future studies beyond high school.
The CVHS administration recently received complaints from students who find that the curriculum for numerous AP classes is “not challenging enough. “Already regularly working until 3 am or past on coursework, students petitioned for CVHS to offer 24-hour courses, an instructional model that will allow students to spend the night on campus and go through the whole curriculum for a particular course, AP or otherwise, in no more than a month.
“We were just thinking, since we already spend so much time working, why not just get the whole syllabus done in a month rather than spread it out over the whole year? Maybe then we can finally have time to pursue hobbies.” said Tryna Survive, a student who advocated for the addition of this program.
CVHS will offer several amenities throughout these courses include complimentary sleeping bags, unlimited (but not free) coffee and a vending machine with every kind of energy drink known to sleep-deprived students.
Exams will occur at least every 24-hour period, and a given course will consist of between seven to 14 exams based on the learned material. Lessons last between two to three hours, with a ten-minute “coffee-nap” between each lesson, during which students are encouraged to chug a can of coffee and sleep until the caffeine kicks in. This way, they can power through a 24-hour period without collapsing from exhaustion on top of their desks.
“After struggling with sleep deprivation for years, I took to discovering my own methods to stay awake,” recalls Ima Napp. “With 7 AP classes and a ton of extracurriculars, you’re forced to get innovative,” said Napp.
Implementing methods, such as the “coffee-naps” suggested by Napp, will help the 24-hour courses flow smoothly and allow students to achieve maximum efficiency that is normally wasted on sleep and/or doom-scrolling to procrastinate work.
In the interest of pushing students to their limits, some of the 24-hour courses that will be offered include AP Physics C, AP Calculus BC, AP Chemistry, and AP Computer Science, which are notoriously among the most difficult APs. Beyond this, CVHS is introducing new second and third year college courses, not limited to linear algebra, organic chemistry and fluid mechanics.
Students may be curious about the grading scale and weights for these courses. Exams will count for 80% of their final score, and the other 20% will be based upon whether or not the student can stay awake for the duration of the course. Bonus points will be awarded to those who take the fewest number of naps and rely the least on energy drinks. Teachers interested in volunteering for the program will be provided with a template syllabus and further information regarding the ideal structure of their lessons.
It is important to note that, unlike students, teachers have the ability to sleep whenever and however much they would like. A special teachers’ lounge will be set up in the library, complete with a dessert bar, incense burner and multiple luxury Casper mattresses. When not teaching, teachers may assign Khan Academy, AP Classroom, or Organic Chemistry Tutor videos to students to allow them to teach themselves the material.
Courses will be available for selection through a form sent out by CVHS administration within the coming weeks. They are excited to see students taking advantage of the new program, working hard and arriving with the positive attitude, that typical of CVHS students.
“I believe in the potential and drive of students. If they can juggle seven AP courses, they can certainly handle a 24-hour schedule!” said Mr. Smith, a CVHS teacher.
This story is satire.
