On March 19, the annual March Sadness tournament kicked off with new determined competitors to celebrate the 11th annual competition. One by one, players from across the school try their hand at winning the title of March Sadness champions. The determination of the players to shoot a goal created collective suspense throughout the court.
“I thought it would be fun, but already I lost twice,” Ethan Airball said.
The players run, block and shoot, but they don’t score. The score board remains 0-0 as each game comes to an end. When someone miraculously shoots a three-pointer, the crowd goes wild. In March Sadness, teams play two games to secure their place in the winners’ bracket. If a team loses both games, they move on to the loser’s bracket, where they compete with teams that also lost their games.
“When I watch the March Sadness games, I wonder, ‘Is this what CVHS has come to?’” LeBronette Sasser said.
As the days go by the morale of the players continues to lower. The players in the loser bracket wonder what went wrong in their competition. One big issue amongst teams in the March Sadness tournament is LeBron James Syndrome. This mental condition happens to people who watch too many LeBron James edits on social media and suddenly believe they can play like him. This causes the team to lose because, to put it simply, the team members can’t play like LeBron.
“My teammate suffers from Lebron James syndrome. He couldn’t even make a lay-up the whole game. He sacrificed our place in the winners’ bracket,” Airball said.
Crowds of CVHS students gather around the basketball court outside to watch March Sadness unfold. Many of the players try to impress the “huzz” with their basketball skills while unfortunately, the competitors scare them away with their subpar basketball skills, making the games more depressing to watch. Viewers are filled with laughter as they watch the ball soar through the air and into the trash cans behind the school.
“I feel bad whenever a player shoots and doesn’t make it. It’s almost like a domino effect with the players. If one doesn’t make a basket, none of them can,” Steve Curry said.
The March Sadness games, although quite depressing at times, have hilarious moments as well. Many players have gotten their ankles broken, and even the referee got hit in the eye with the basketball. However, this feeling drifts away as spectators watch the players take another tumble to the ground. The true MVP during these March Sadness games is the nurse. Long lines form outside her door as she patches up all the wounds that have sent some players into early retirement.
“These players have changed the term ‘nothing but net’ to a whole new meaning,” Michael Gordan said.
As the referee calls time, the players walk off more emotionally scarred than they did before they walked on. The crowd offers their condolences as the echo of missed shots and bruised egos ring through the air.
“It’s not about how many shots you missed. It’s about going back on the court and pretending you didn’t make a fool over yourself,” a GOAT basketball player said.
This story is satire.
