913 students make up Carnegie Vanguard High School, all coming from different backgrounds. It’s kind of like Harry Potter Houses or Divergent Factions, except instead of asking “Are you a Hufflepuff or a Ravenclaw,” it’s, “Are you taking Comp Sci Principles or Journalism for your elective?” CVHS has its own little subdivisions, from the robotics kids to the theater kids, and even the Lululemon girlies.

Starting with the robotics kids, absolute nerds. Firstly, they have 431,029 excused absences from all the competitions they go to. Their life is mostly devoted to that one robot. Undoubtedly, they are good at what they do, but do they really have to spend 14 hours a day for seven months applying principles of mathematics and science to create a prototype? They definitely belong in the “nerd” faction. 

Okay theater kids. Let’s put this into perspective: you just finished your last test of the day on the beautiful Friday right before spring break, and as you step foot onto the rainbow concrete that opens the gateway to the outside world of freedom (aka you’re leaving the school), you realize that you have to be right back here by Monday because the set for Native Son isn’t finished yet. Like seriously, for the number of hours that theater takes away from life, you couldn’t pay us enough. Also, just a side note, how many times have you actually seen Mr. Savage actually walking the halls of CVHS?

We cannot forget about the “athletes” at Carnegie! If you came to Carnegie, BFFR, you most definitely did not choose it for the sports. The students in sports are those who are doing it to keep up with their million extracurricular activities to look good for college. If you have not noticed, we are not the best at sports. Name a single sport (not including chess) that Carnegie has maintained a winning streak in. We can’t even manage to defeat DeBakey High School in basketball. If we can’t do that, what can we do?

Lastly, the Lululemon kids. You know who we are talking about. You have seen those girls in their body-hugging, tight-fit Lululemon leggings, carrying around a tote bag with themselves to every place they go. Or, you might have noticed the booty shorts that cost over 70 bucks to not even cover half your a–. Those privileged kids that roam around in these circumstances stare you down in those cheap Costco leggings that your mom bought for you. They always think they are so much better than the others just because they spent a total of $300 buying the same clothes you can get for under $30.

All in all, Carnegie is weirdly split up into “houses.” It is a relatively small school with tons of variation in students. These factions are all over the place; which one do you think you belong to?

This story is satire.