Divorces are supposed to feel like the end of a family… right?
December of 2013 was the time when I was supposed to feel the split, the ending of the family of three I’ve become so used to. The end had come too fast, but I was too young to realize the small differences. I never noticed the peacefulness of my home, the nights with no arguments, the tears of sacrifice that my mom cried each night in her room.
My dad was usually never home, always traveling, and working on birthdays and holidays. I never noticed the absence of him until the time I woke up looking for him, and he wasn’t anywhere to be found. When it comes to divorces, you’re typically supposed to split time between homes, but that was never the case; not because he didn’t want to see me, but because he usually never had time to take me to school in the mornings or to practices at night.
I remembered the moment of realization so clearly. I had drawn a picture of the three of us in a field with a small thin rainbow in the background. Under the rainbow, I wrote in large orange lettering. “Mama please can you marry Papi again?”
The first few years of the divorce took a large toll on my mind, yet I never realized how hard it was on my parents themselves. My parents were best friends, who went through a lot together and loved each other in a way that no one could understand. My mom was brokenhearted and my dad was angry. I was always the person who saw it all.
To them, I was young but mature enough to handle the truth of their emotions. The truth is though, I was only seven, trying to understand why my family wasn’t normal. None of my friends understood, none of my cousins understood, and sometimes I rarely understood.
Then there was a period of peace, but it was sort of like the calm before the storm.
In 2019 I met a “friend” of my mom. He was funny, kinda short, and super goofy. He would take me to the park, then we would pick up snow cones on the way home. I always thought he was just a friend who made my mom smile, plus after all, he lived in Houston and we were in Florida.
Well… this “friend” and my mom eventually got married and moved us out to Houston, Texas.
At the time, I only really focused on how much the move affected me but I never really focused on how that would change the dynamic of my mom, dad, and I. Things had gotten better, we had a new form of “family”, but this had all gone away when my mom told my dad about the move.
They argued. All. The. Time. (Which was probably expected now that I think about it.)
Things got progressively worse. That was until my dad met Angie, my stepmom. I had known her for years before. She was a waiter at our favorite restaurant. She always snuck me a scoop of mango ice cream.
When she came into our lives, she brought in this sense of joy and radiance. Angie always saw the best in the worst situations, this was key to the relationship of my blended family.
She was the bridge.
She connected the idea that allowed my dad to open up to the new changes, to the idea of meeting family in Houston that have become family of my own in a way that I never thought was possible. This connection came with time obviously. My dad made a few trips to visit me, which is when I would take him to meet the friends and family I have made here, to see the young woman I have grown to be.
“Grown to be.”
Writing this now helps me see the change and the growth that my family has made, putting into perspective how different my idea of a “blended family” seems to be.
In my blended family, we share dinners with my dad and stepmom whenever we go back home. We take family vacations, with my stepdad’s family too, to celebrate accomplishments and big chapters of our lives. We make time to sit and talk for hours. We make sure to introduce my little brother to the people that I grew up around, so he knows that he is loved like family. Because at the end of the day… This is the family that we choose.
So, back to the question, “are divorces supposed to feel like the end of a family?”
The answer is yes.
Divorces are the end of a family, but the start of a new one.
