This past spring break, many students from Carnegie Vanguard High School coincidentally found themselves all on the same luxury cruise. A reported number of 20 students occupied this cruise ship for 5 days over the break. Returning home, these CVHS students gave dazzling ratings of newly established cruise line, Barnibal Buise. The cruise has received acclaim for its many, many sources of entertainment.

“I enjoyed my time on Barnibal Buise! The 10 golf courses, 15 floor mall, 20 casinos, and 100 nightclubs were a nice little touch,” said CVHS sophomore, Mackeyleigh Bennett. 

Barnibal Buise truly transforms the ocean into exactly what Mother Nature intended when crafting the seas: free real estate for a strip mall! This gargantuan vessel stretches an impressive mile in length and is 500 feet in width. The ship includes over 1oo shops, a go-kart track, and all of Broadway. It’s a floating metropolis unto itself.

The cruise line has even uplifted underrepresented groups by providing spaces for some very niche and very real (cough cough), sports like pickleball and squash!

“As a pickleball champion of 7 years, I truly believe that I have found a safe space here on Barnibal Buise. It’s become a second home,” said CVHS junior Brixton Cyler. 

Barnibal Buise has become a second home for many of its attendees. That is, if you feel comfortable with a home on top of metal and wood floating above pitch-black trenches with 750,000 unknown species and pressure strong enough to crush you to death.

Additionally, the cruise line has been praised for the plethora of excursion options it provides. Cyler’s family, opting for the more economical choice, embarked on the Voyage to the Center of the Earth.

“It was pretty mid. We literally went to the center of the earth. Y’know, lava surfing; an orchestra concert in a crystal cavern; subterranean spa retreat. Though it wasn’t the most luxurious, my family and I had a fun time,” said Cyler.

In an exclusive interview with Upstream News, founder of Barnibal Buise, Darn Tories, reveals the sentiment behind the establishment of this revolutionary cruise line. 

“One day I was just scrolling through TikTok, and I stumbled upon one of those chilling videos of the North Sea. One with that audio… you know the one… yooo hoooo alllll hanndssss hoisttt the colorrssss higghhhhhhh… I saw the vast beauty of the ocean and was stunned. And I thought to myself ‘Why not enhance this with 2.5 million square feet of unnecessary amenities?’,” said Darn Tories.

Because of his growing fame from his world-class cruises, Darn Tories expressed the impact this risky endeavor has made on his own life. “I could have spent my money in a gazillion different ways. I could have used my millions to feed the hungry, house the homeless, donate to animal shelters, and so much more. Instead, I created the god-given gift that sits in front of us now. I don’t regret it for a second,” he said.

If you’re on the lookout for how to spend your summer break, look no further than Barnibal Buise! For only $500 per person, the entire family can join in on the fun (including $20 per drink, $50 per meal, $70 for pool access, and $90 per on-board event ticket). Very reasonable prices for a very reasonable way to spend your time!